Miss U Papa

Ever since you left, the life has never been the same..
I kept counting by days your absence and you never came,
Not that I haven't moved on,
but at times when the ghosts of the past come back to haunt me,
my heart bleeds with regret and pain!

You are missed everyday, every single moment and in my stinging sighs,
I always hope to see your smiling face looking at me,
even for the one last time may be.

Oh! how much I yearn for you, no words can tell.
I miss the ensuring warmth of your hug, your fragrance,
your voice, your scoldings, your tantrums, your talks,
your running after me to hand over the lunch I left at home in haste,

your making me match the combination of your suits, and asking me “Am I looking great?”
your questions, your answers, your loud laughters,
your fighting for TV remote, when the match is on,
and peeping in the room to watch us study, when the exams are on.

Waking us up in morning, even before the alarm rings,
and switching off the fan when we wont get up!
I miss your knocking the door at 7 everyday,
and getting late for the office, no matter how early you wake.

Being mad at us first, yet giving in to our demands so effortlessly
playing with the dog, fighting with mom,
jostling around with bro, roaming about all over the house,
those lazy Sundays, those playful jokes
those rounds of tea, those evening strolls...

Nobody does that any more!

You went away, but your thoughts never left my mind.
Even today, when I feel lonely and no one else is around,
I look at your pictures and wish with all my heart
if ever they'd come to life.

I dream of the good times, cheers and joys every night.
But when I hit the reality, my heart is deluged with tears and melancholy – deep and infinite !
I feel so scared and vulnerable, I sulk alone, I tremble in fear.

I so want to thank you for all the good things you gave me in life,
but I guess its too late.
My soul wails to sit with you just one more time, talking,
hoping that the things were all fine.
Futilely wishing you were there with me in the good times,
bad times and all those in between.

But deep inside my heart I know, no matter where you are,
you are watching upon us and we will meet again someday,
somewhere far away.

How I Almost got a New Job!

I have this distinct tendency of getting too excited or, or too depressed instantly. And this was most certainly the case when my boyfriend fetched a new job last week. He was happy, and I was happy too thinking that perhaps it was our first step towards a better and more stable future together.Somehow, his success encouraged me to find a new job for myself too. And so began the whole crusade of short-listing and applying at various companies, which otherwise sort of freaks me out!

I consider this as the most frustrating phase of a job quest, with consultants calling you back to back, briefing job profiles like an automated robot. It almost seems as if your phone would never stop ringing, and you will end up having far too many profiles than you can actually keep a count of.

Anyway, it all began the other day when I got a call from this very renowned travel agency in Delhi. Since I've never worked with any big brands in my 3 year long career as a content writer this opportunity kind of fascinated me. As it was a Friday I scheduled my interview for second half of the day so that I don't have to waste another day struggling through commuter traffic coming to a place I hate to be (that is Gurgaon). Impaired at remembering routes as I am, I asked boyfriend to drop me at their office. As we arrived there one hour ahead of the scheduled time, we thought of killing time wandering around the streets, snacking up some street food after which he dropped me back at the venue and went on to kill some more time by himself.

The interview began at sharp 2:30 pm., with a pretty extensive aptitude test, which I miraculously aced with a decent score. This was followed by a grueling question-answer session with some guy whose name completely escapes me. Although the interview was't going all that great, I held on to my hopes until I heard those few dreaded words “we will get back to you”, which usually is a kinder way of saying “you are rejected!'.

“Ahh jeez! What a kick in teeth” I thought to myself. Carrying the disgrace of rejection on my tender shoulders, I called boyfriend for some moral support.

Boyfriend has always motivated me with his endless prodding and cheerful talks, but that day I was more disappointed than usual. My quandary was similar to a rabbit with a carrot dangling in front of him – persuading him to move forward – but just out of his reach. The rest of the night was spent in restless sleep or none at all. Lying in my bed, I began to mull over my career path, and after a lot of contemplation I finally had to acknowledge that it was heading nowhere!

Nevertheless, the next two days were spent in relative peace. On Sunday I even went on to treat myself with a little shopping therapy, and trust me it really works wonders! Moreover, I'm incapable of staying down in the dumps for too long. My temper is like George of the jungle, it keeps swinging from one tree to another....all it needs is a good shove!

After the weekend....came the Monday (yet again) only this time it was rainy. Rains make me a happy and peaceful person, even if it’s a bluish Monday morning. Despite a raging headache and no mood to work, I dragged myself to the office. After a few minutes of pastime, I forced myself to work, but my concentration was soon broken by a PHONE CALL. It was the HR of that travel company who told me the good news I was yearning to hear for so long. I qualified for the next round of interview…YAYYYYYY!!

The third round was quite a cakewalk as compared to the first two rounds. Next day, they called me for another round with some female in their content department, which I again cleared with flying colors. The HR then asked me to wait for another round with some head honcho guy.

The Mistake -

I was beyond excited over my success. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, a feeble voice whispered to me, “You’re going to get this job”. Waiting in the reception bay, my next one hour was filled with farfetched fantasies of how I was going to crack the next round and then the HR round and somehow crack that too. I visualized myself handing resignation letter to my manager, and bidding adieu to my cab members and office colleagues with teary eyes. I felt sort of sorry for them.

I dreamt of my first day at my new office, shaking hands gracefully and smiling coyly as the HR introduced me to my new colleagues. I also pictured myself and boyfriend tying the knot, and purchasing a spanking new luxury car to drive around with our combined money. My whole existence was focused like a laser beam on that one damn job.

My train of thought was screeched to a halt, when the HR girl gestured me to follow her to the conference room. She asked me to wait there for their head honcho guy. As I sat there I began to fiddle with my ring like a always do, when a short, scruffy, pot bellied man walked in. He introduced himself as the marketing head of the company. He asked me a few typical questions about my goals, work experience family background and so on. While he walked out of the room, he asked me to wait there only. The HR arrived shortly after he left and took me to a dungeon like basement that smelled of acetone.

The Turning Point

“The HR round is a mere formality, the job is already in your pocket” I thought to myself. However, my bubble soon burst when she asked me to leave for the day without making any offer at all. Clichéd as it may sound, but one shall not count his chickens until they hatch, and that's what I exactly did.

My dreams were shattered, but being an optimistic, I didn't let my hopes ebb a zilch. After doing such a bang up job, I deserved my just rewards.

And then a long and agonizing wait started....

Day 1 – With one eye on the phone, and one eye on the clock I struggled through the day at work. But surprisingly enough no body called me up, except for the boyfriend. Not even the annoying tele-callers who are ready to offer loans, houses, credit cards at the drop of a hat.

Day 2 – Suspense begun to take its toll on me. For about a hundred times I refrained myself from calling that HR girl. However, by the end of the day...my mind blew up and unable to control my agony I called her up. I just wanted to ask her whether I have been accepted or not and end this dilemma once and for all.

With my fingers crossed, I dialed her number........Tring Tring!! the phone rung!

After a few rings, she finally picked up the phone.

I - Hello this is Rupali! Remember I came down for the interview the other day!

HR Girl – O yes Rupali! How are you!

I – I'm great...how about yourself?

HR girl – I'm good too!

Then there was an awkward 10 second pause...

I – uhhh.... Okay I just called up to follow up on the interview thingy! (I tried hard not to sound too desperate, but I guess my tone caught me off guard :( )

HR Girl – Rupali, we are still in the process of conducting interviews. I would be in a position to tell you in like 2 days from now.

“Ohh! Okay...no problem.. take care thanks! “ I said, forcing my voice not to waver.

Okay! The Party was over! Her last line took all the steam off my dreams. I wasn't going anywhere...no new job, no new colleagues, no luxury car, no teary farewell, NO BETTER FUTURE....my life was still the same.

In spite of the boyfriend's another inspiration-filled lecture, I remained down in the dumps for rest of the day.

Take a look at what conversation we had...

Boyfriend – So tell me? What's up!

I – Nothing great you tell me?

Boyfriend – What's the matter with you! That was only a stupid job, let go, you'll find another!

I – No! I will not I'm a useless piece of S**t, good for nothing!

Boyfriend- Hey don't say that! Main Hoon Na! Don't worry...you concentrate on your masters for now...and if there's anything that you need I'm here.

That made me smile and realize too that whining over material things is transitory. Failures are not the end of the road. Tomorrow is another day and that day will definitely be better than yesterday!

Unconditional Love + Lots of joy + Optimism + family is a great recipe for a wonderful life and I'm fortunate to have them all by my side. So, whether I'm in a good job or a not-so-good-job, doesn't really matter.... and this is no sour grapes, trust me!