Miss U Papa

Ever since you left, the life has never been the same..
I kept counting by days your absence and you never came,
Not that I haven't moved on,
but at times when the ghosts of the past come back to haunt me,
my heart bleeds with regret and pain!

You are missed everyday, every single moment and in my stinging sighs,
I always hope to see your smiling face looking at me,
even for the one last time may be.

Oh! how much I yearn for you, no words can tell.
I miss the ensuring warmth of your hug, your fragrance,
your voice, your scoldings, your tantrums, your talks,
your running after me to hand over the lunch I left at home in haste,

your making me match the combination of your suits, and asking me “Am I looking great?”
your questions, your answers, your loud laughters,
your fighting for TV remote, when the match is on,
and peeping in the room to watch us study, when the exams are on.

Waking us up in morning, even before the alarm rings,
and switching off the fan when we wont get up!
I miss your knocking the door at 7 everyday,
and getting late for the office, no matter how early you wake.

Being mad at us first, yet giving in to our demands so effortlessly
playing with the dog, fighting with mom,
jostling around with bro, roaming about all over the house,
those lazy Sundays, those playful jokes
those rounds of tea, those evening strolls...

Nobody does that any more!

You went away, but your thoughts never left my mind.
Even today, when I feel lonely and no one else is around,
I look at your pictures and wish with all my heart
if ever they'd come to life.

I dream of the good times, cheers and joys every night.
But when I hit the reality, my heart is deluged with tears and melancholy – deep and infinite !
I feel so scared and vulnerable, I sulk alone, I tremble in fear.

I so want to thank you for all the good things you gave me in life,
but I guess its too late.
My soul wails to sit with you just one more time, talking,
hoping that the things were all fine.
Futilely wishing you were there with me in the good times,
bad times and all those in between.

But deep inside my heart I know, no matter where you are,
you are watching upon us and we will meet again someday,
somewhere far away.

How I Almost got a New Job!

I have this distinct tendency of getting too excited or, or too depressed instantly. And this was most certainly the case when my boyfriend fetched a new job last week. He was happy, and I was happy too thinking that perhaps it was our first step towards a better and more stable future together.Somehow, his success encouraged me to find a new job for myself too. And so began the whole crusade of short-listing and applying at various companies, which otherwise sort of freaks me out!

I consider this as the most frustrating phase of a job quest, with consultants calling you back to back, briefing job profiles like an automated robot. It almost seems as if your phone would never stop ringing, and you will end up having far too many profiles than you can actually keep a count of.

Anyway, it all began the other day when I got a call from this very renowned travel agency in Delhi. Since I've never worked with any big brands in my 3 year long career as a content writer this opportunity kind of fascinated me. As it was a Friday I scheduled my interview for second half of the day so that I don't have to waste another day struggling through commuter traffic coming to a place I hate to be (that is Gurgaon). Impaired at remembering routes as I am, I asked boyfriend to drop me at their office. As we arrived there one hour ahead of the scheduled time, we thought of killing time wandering around the streets, snacking up some street food after which he dropped me back at the venue and went on to kill some more time by himself.

The interview began at sharp 2:30 pm., with a pretty extensive aptitude test, which I miraculously aced with a decent score. This was followed by a grueling question-answer session with some guy whose name completely escapes me. Although the interview was't going all that great, I held on to my hopes until I heard those few dreaded words “we will get back to you”, which usually is a kinder way of saying “you are rejected!'.

“Ahh jeez! What a kick in teeth” I thought to myself. Carrying the disgrace of rejection on my tender shoulders, I called boyfriend for some moral support.

Boyfriend has always motivated me with his endless prodding and cheerful talks, but that day I was more disappointed than usual. My quandary was similar to a rabbit with a carrot dangling in front of him – persuading him to move forward – but just out of his reach. The rest of the night was spent in restless sleep or none at all. Lying in my bed, I began to mull over my career path, and after a lot of contemplation I finally had to acknowledge that it was heading nowhere!

Nevertheless, the next two days were spent in relative peace. On Sunday I even went on to treat myself with a little shopping therapy, and trust me it really works wonders! Moreover, I'm incapable of staying down in the dumps for too long. My temper is like George of the jungle, it keeps swinging from one tree to another....all it needs is a good shove!

After the weekend....came the Monday (yet again) only this time it was rainy. Rains make me a happy and peaceful person, even if it’s a bluish Monday morning. Despite a raging headache and no mood to work, I dragged myself to the office. After a few minutes of pastime, I forced myself to work, but my concentration was soon broken by a PHONE CALL. It was the HR of that travel company who told me the good news I was yearning to hear for so long. I qualified for the next round of interview…YAYYYYYY!!

The third round was quite a cakewalk as compared to the first two rounds. Next day, they called me for another round with some female in their content department, which I again cleared with flying colors. The HR then asked me to wait for another round with some head honcho guy.

The Mistake -

I was beyond excited over my success. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, a feeble voice whispered to me, “You’re going to get this job”. Waiting in the reception bay, my next one hour was filled with farfetched fantasies of how I was going to crack the next round and then the HR round and somehow crack that too. I visualized myself handing resignation letter to my manager, and bidding adieu to my cab members and office colleagues with teary eyes. I felt sort of sorry for them.

I dreamt of my first day at my new office, shaking hands gracefully and smiling coyly as the HR introduced me to my new colleagues. I also pictured myself and boyfriend tying the knot, and purchasing a spanking new luxury car to drive around with our combined money. My whole existence was focused like a laser beam on that one damn job.

My train of thought was screeched to a halt, when the HR girl gestured me to follow her to the conference room. She asked me to wait there for their head honcho guy. As I sat there I began to fiddle with my ring like a always do, when a short, scruffy, pot bellied man walked in. He introduced himself as the marketing head of the company. He asked me a few typical questions about my goals, work experience family background and so on. While he walked out of the room, he asked me to wait there only. The HR arrived shortly after he left and took me to a dungeon like basement that smelled of acetone.

The Turning Point

“The HR round is a mere formality, the job is already in your pocket” I thought to myself. However, my bubble soon burst when she asked me to leave for the day without making any offer at all. Clichéd as it may sound, but one shall not count his chickens until they hatch, and that's what I exactly did.

My dreams were shattered, but being an optimistic, I didn't let my hopes ebb a zilch. After doing such a bang up job, I deserved my just rewards.

And then a long and agonizing wait started....

Day 1 – With one eye on the phone, and one eye on the clock I struggled through the day at work. But surprisingly enough no body called me up, except for the boyfriend. Not even the annoying tele-callers who are ready to offer loans, houses, credit cards at the drop of a hat.

Day 2 – Suspense begun to take its toll on me. For about a hundred times I refrained myself from calling that HR girl. However, by the end of the day...my mind blew up and unable to control my agony I called her up. I just wanted to ask her whether I have been accepted or not and end this dilemma once and for all.

With my fingers crossed, I dialed her number........Tring Tring!! the phone rung!

After a few rings, she finally picked up the phone.

I - Hello this is Rupali! Remember I came down for the interview the other day!

HR Girl – O yes Rupali! How are you!

I – I'm great...how about yourself?

HR girl – I'm good too!

Then there was an awkward 10 second pause...

I – uhhh.... Okay I just called up to follow up on the interview thingy! (I tried hard not to sound too desperate, but I guess my tone caught me off guard :( )

HR Girl – Rupali, we are still in the process of conducting interviews. I would be in a position to tell you in like 2 days from now.

“Ohh! Okay...no problem.. take care thanks! “ I said, forcing my voice not to waver.

Okay! The Party was over! Her last line took all the steam off my dreams. I wasn't going anywhere...no new job, no new colleagues, no luxury car, no teary farewell, NO BETTER FUTURE....my life was still the same.

In spite of the boyfriend's another inspiration-filled lecture, I remained down in the dumps for rest of the day.

Take a look at what conversation we had...

Boyfriend – So tell me? What's up!

I – Nothing great you tell me?

Boyfriend – What's the matter with you! That was only a stupid job, let go, you'll find another!

I – No! I will not I'm a useless piece of S**t, good for nothing!

Boyfriend- Hey don't say that! Main Hoon Na! Don't worry...you concentrate on your masters for now...and if there's anything that you need I'm here.

That made me smile and realize too that whining over material things is transitory. Failures are not the end of the road. Tomorrow is another day and that day will definitely be better than yesterday!

Unconditional Love + Lots of joy + Optimism + family is a great recipe for a wonderful life and I'm fortunate to have them all by my side. So, whether I'm in a good job or a not-so-good-job, doesn't really matter.... and this is no sour grapes, trust me!

Are we Losing Patience?

IN a constant desire to win and dominate there is something really important we are losing on. Imagine, being stuck in a seemingly endless traffic jam, or standing in a long queue at ATM…we sigh and murmur to ourselves, “What the heck is going on?”

We just don’t have time! So we get irritated and annoyed. Exasperated, we start cursing the way things are, disregarding the fact that we are also a part of this whole chaos.

However, this was not the scenario even a few decades ago. Times were when we used to just sit and talk to our family, or friends, or even pets for that matter. But today, we are all so messed up in meeting deadlines, chasing desires, that we just don’t have time.
Do you realize what are we losing?
It’s PATIENCE!

Where is all the tolerance gone?
Are we falling prey to our own ambitions, our craving to get more in least possible time?
It’s a topic worth dwelling on! Think of the last time when you watched TV patiently, without flicking channels for half an hour. There is hardly an instance to tell.

Impatience is creeping rapidly down inside our psyche. You agree or don’t agree we have lost our power to keep calm. All we want is to dictate everything around us, to have them move and act anyway we want. But unfortunately, we cannot alter the predestined scheme of things.
But still, we try only to realize how foolish we are. We feel more frustrated, anxious and futile. Such feelings make way for impatience.

Now, the question is, ‘How do you expect us to keep perseverance in midst of turmoil?’
Fair enough! We are human beings, not god. We are bound to give up patience under sufferings. That’s the best we can do.

Sorry, but I don’t agree! That’s not the best we can do. Let me tell you this, we can all learn to be more patient. Even the most impatient person can master this skill by exercising some mind control. Idea of cultivating patience revolves around respecting acts and opinions of others.
Sometimes in a futile attempt to attain this state of mind, we put meditation, yoga or spirituality into practice. Yet everyday we see ourselves at swords with our patience on trifling matters, too insignificant to be even mentioned here.

Surrendering to your undue demands is no solution. Acknowledge your flaws. Don’t let impatience take its toll on your mind and body. Get real, talk to yourself, find logics (appearances can be deceptive at times), and visualize positive things.

Give it a thought guys! Developing patience just calls for a desire to change. So, next time when you find yourself at the tipping point of losing patience indulge in some self-control.

I'm at War

Life is a war zone,

And I’m at war!

A war with myself,

A struggle within my shell

Striving to shed the shackles of fear

Blistering within me,

Stoned by the ice cold melancholy;

Strewn here and there...

Why can’t I feel free?

Blinded by the billowing haze;

of dread and anxiety,

I’m turning into a numskull

With my hands held empty,

I’m wedged in a seemingly endless tunnel.

Will someone ever staunch this pain?

O divine redeemer!

Release me from this worldly ordain.

Let me cut loose-

the strings of endless deluge,

Of suffering and death

Allow me come in your refuge…

Hunched with sins, I’m drifting towards my pyre

The chisel of agony is shredding my vigor

Slick with blood, it has pierced my heart

Bit by bit, it has torn me apart.

But now, I’m weary of quarrelling;

with my perceptions, with my ailing...

Burning every moment in the fire of fears

Too fierce to be quenched with tears

O divine redeemer!

Rekindle my soul, cease the fire

burning within me

And set me free from the world, so loony…

- by Rupali

Why It Happens??

Why It Happens????????
why it happens? why it happens?
why someone seem to be so special,
why this life becomes so crucial,
why eyes are so desperate to see something,
why lips tremble to say something,
why breath stops when eyes encounter,
why it happens that i keep on thinking,
when he is with me my eyes stop blinking,
why it seems that i'm the body and he is the soul,
why my emotions spill out of control,
why eyes get watery when he is not near,
why he is so close to heart why he is so dear,
why heart wish to sacrifice for him everything,
why mind wishes for his well being,
why, i dont know ,i have answers to these why's
But I think it's the world of love where my heart flies....

All that matters is trust

“Trust” is not just a five letter word, it is an emotion that fortifies every relationship. Love alone is too scanty to strengthen a bond. For a relationship the acid test is not how much do we love, but how much do we trust.

We need to trust our kids, our partner, our parents, our fellows, or even our pets for that matter. Any time you lose trust in a relationship, it will never be the same again. You can’t trust everyone all the time, agreed. But don’t let such conviction poison your otherwise well-honed rapport with others. Trust is akin to a crystal vase, once it is shattered, it’s broken for good.

When I look back on my own experience, I realize what I have lost due to suspicion. It’s like a cancer that has no cure. It destroys happiness and ruins relations.

Jealously is another negative trait which indicates that trust is weak. While on one hand it corrodes trust, it also encourages other negative emotions like anger, melancholy, greed, envy and in worse cases criminal tendencies. You probably are aware of all this, just that you refuse to acknowledge. But why?

Let’s not live in denial…let’s face it!

We feel jealous to see our mate talking closely with a friend, to see our parents showering love on others, it seems almost impossible to control our feelings. We all live a false sense of possession and insecurity.

My husband often comes late, is he dating some other woman?

Why my girlfriend keeps looking at other attractive guys. Don’t I look good?

Such questions are nothing, but a figment of our jealousy and distrust. Try to trust. Don’t let assumptions drive you to the edge, find reasons. Don’t jump to conclusions just because YOU-FELT-THAT-WAY.

For love to survive trust is a must and jealousy, under no circumstances, should creep in.

Whenever suspicion raise its head, nip it on the bud! Revive and rebuild trust in your relationships, no matter with whomsoever. Try to look at things in a wider perspective,

escape that tunnel vision. Open up to the close because you deserve to live an unencumbered life, free from such harrowing feelings.

Put the past behind you see the vast space around you. Open your mind so that trust can grow.

When I met a Little Angel

When day breaks and we get out of our comfy beds, with due gratitude we must bow our heads to god for making us fortunate enough to live and relish the laurels of life.

Accustomed to daily routine, everyday we gear up to reach our respective destinations. While a few have some specific end, others merely stray directionless. Meddled in some chores or perhaps just pretending to, every one is busy in a rat race. But even then everything seems so usual, so complete in way…

Life moves at its regular pace for most of us. But, deserts do exist beyond our green pastures; it’s just that they are overlooked by our money-blinded eyes.

For me it was yet another fine day when something bizarre caught my sight.

He was a little kid maybe just a couple of years old, wandering at traffic signal…mopping the cars with a filthy piece of cloth.

It was Delhi in month of June, mercury soaring as high as 46 ‘ C. when we could just think of resting in our air-conditioned rooms, snoozing in our double cushioned beds, and sipping a cold drink or lemonade, that tiny tot was cleaning riches’ big wagons. He was naked feet and cocooned barely in rags.

Sitting in my car I could clearly see those countless dreams brewing in his hopeful eyes, that innocent smile complemented by a placid expression on his face. He literally captured my mind for a while.

As he was moving closer to people, I saw that twinkle brighten in quest of a few coins…which meant world to him.

But then I witnessed the brutal death of his delight. Pitilessly the well-off’s hurried their windows on him. He protested gratuitously to slide down the windowpane, his little fingers got stuck in the gaps, panting to be released, but nobody bothered.

I was wondering at the irony of life. That one coin, which probably holds no value for us, perhaps meant a meal to him. His starving eyes got stuck at a fortunate kid, almost his age, gulping cola and munching chips in his air-conditioned car. Probably he too wants a taste of same…but then who is going to buy him all this??? That’s the fate he was born with!

He was dying every moment!!! Poverty engulfed his every little desire. He was entrapped in this vicious circle for good. His wings were tattered before he could even spread them out. Misfortune snatched his clothes, his shoes, his education and even his life. He fell prey to his own destiny.

All did he knew was to stretch out his hands begging for little money or some food. Disregarded as a lifeless louse by the so called humans, he was fighting every moment for his survival. Born in a ruined shack, he was nurtured by poverty. He might have played with some used toys, discarded by those more fortunate than him.

My heart was brimmed with a strange feeling of empathy for him. It was such a profound feel, I could actually feel his plight.

I was deeply engrossed in my own thoughts when a blaring car horn startled me, calling my attention towards the green signal. The race was on again. Once more, people begun to rush towards their respective ways, paying no heed to that little boy.

Standing aloof under the shade of tree…he was waiting for that green light to turn red again. I was really touched! Barely able to hold my feelings I headed towards him. He looked at me with a big question in his eyes…..Why me?

But I had no answers. I went to him and slipped a few coins in his hand. He said nothing, but left me with a cold blank stare…